Gavin de Becker, a renowned security expert, writes in his outstanding book Gift of Fear that every aggressor has a script and you need to know its signals. The author identifies 6 such signals. Let’s consider them in more detail:
The aggressor often uses the word “we”, “us” – this is an effective way to establish trust, one of the most difficult manipulations.
Striving to charm
There is an innate charm, and there is a directional action, when a person uses all his charm to establish trust. If a stranger does this, Becker advises to think about why he is trying so hard.
Abundance of details
This strategy is needed by the criminal to make his stories believable. Sincere people do not need too much detail in the story. Attackers use this technique to get closer.
In another way, de Becker calls this strategy an invitation to the same type of role. The woman is told: “You are probably too proud (distrustful, nervous, arrogant),” and she feels the need to prove that this is not so. The attacker needs only that.
It must be remembered that if help is not only uninvited, but also imposed, it is simply better not to accept it.
The promises of a stranger are empty words, they are not based on anything. An excellent gift of an unsolicited promise, de Becker believes, is a signal that the aggressor himself clearly gives, as in a mirror, reflecting the victim’s last doubts. What should be answered in such cases? “You’re right, I really didn’t know if I could trust you, and now I see that I can’t. Thanks for the tip. “
How can you learn to trust your sixth sense, recognize an impending threat, and protect yourself from violence? Find out in the incredibly useful “Fear as a Gift”!
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